Wednesday, April 28, 2010

foot soldier

I am in a hospital for some reason, although, it looks the hallway leading the to back door of my elementary school.  There is a nurse's desk in the center.  While I'm here, I complain that my feet hurt.  A doctor looks at them and tells me they hurt because I have too much foot skin. What? 

He then proceeds to quickly set up an area and a few surgical tools and before I know it, he is cutting away skin from my foot....WITHOUT any anesthetic.  The nurse is talking up a storm to me and I realize that it's in order to distract me.  Of course, at the same time I realize this, I also begin to feel EVERYTHING the doctor is doing.

When he is done, I am told I can put my shoes on and go.  No instructions or aftercare.  No one seems phased by any of this.  I look down and I have red, raised lesions and stitches running in a continuous line around the sides of my feet, around and in between each toe.

My feet feel better.

I wonder where my skin went....hmmm....

This song was the soundtrack to my sleep last night:  Florence + The Machine ~ Between Two Lungs

Monday, April 19, 2010

Freddy Krueger is an asshole

Before I recount this dream, I should make something clear.  I have an irrational fear of the movie monsters of our generation: Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, Chuckie, Pinhead, etc.  When I was young, I had an older cousin who couldn't get enough of these movies, and even though my parents never let us watch them, my sister and I were exposed to these abominations of the human creative mind anyway.  My cousin had the Freddy glove, hat, and sweater, hockey mask, posters, and once he discovered our weakness, pounced on every opportunity to exploit it.  I don't blame him at all, I'm sure I have done similar things to my younger sister.  The ridiculous part, the part that I only admitted to him recently, is that I was regularly haunted by nightmares starring these villains until I reached (embarassingly) my late teens/early 20s.

I've heard all the adult explanations and dismissals of my fears.  These movies are stupid.  That could never happen.  The plot doesn't even make sense.  Also, the peer mockery.  Don't be such a crybaby.  What are you, scared?  YES.  I also tried to heed the advice of "face your fear" several times.  In middle school, I forced myself to see quite a few of these movies.  It didn't work.  In fact, I think it made it worse.  No matter how clearly I knew that what I was watching was silly, poorly written, fake, etc., it became very real and plausible once I was alone in the dark.

I think my issue with these characters, outside of childhood fear, is that they don't play by the rules of the universe.  I hate to say it, but I like rules.  I know what is supposed to happen, and even if I choose to break said rule, I can wager a good guess what will happen then too.  These guys aren't fair.  How many times have they killed Freddy or Jason?  They don't die.  Freddy is the shadiest because he fucks with you when you are asleep.  Sucker punch.  Come out of the shadows, bitch, and try to kill me like a man.  The only way to avoid him is to stay awake?  FUCK!  I spend most of my day planning for when I can go back to sleep.  Ok, yeah, Hannibal Lecter could get you in your sleep too.  But if you woke up as he bit into you and you stabbed in the fucking neck, he would die.  These are the rules of the universe.  Shit, even "The Exorcist" shows that there are ways to get rid of the devil.  THE DEVIL!  The supposed worst thing ever even has a weakness.

Now, this may sound like I'm a sissy about scary things.  Maybe I am.  But I think the root here is that I have a problem with violence for the sake of violence.  However, let's take a movie like Braveheart or Saving Private Ryan - absolutely violent and brutal, yet real and with a purpose.  War is and always will be innate to man, but getting dragged into another dimension by a puzzle box and tortured is not!  The real world is scary enough, I don't need these sick minds adding anymore turds to the punchbowl.

Here's a list of crap-yourself-out-of-fright stuff (both real and imagined): dragons, Hitler, Sauron, Fred Phelps, Sara Palin, killer bees, Aliens, Predators, Zodiac killer, The Duggars, sharks, Scientology, Bin Laden, Rick Santorum, spiders...What do they all have in common, you might ask?  THEY CAN BE DESTROYED!

I'm rambling.  My point is I think these movies make me worry about us as a race.  It frightens me that people want to create and watch movies based solely on their fellow man getting slaughtered in elaborate ways.  It severs the human connection.  Honestly, I think some of these "artists" should be seriously examined and possibly removed from society.  On less global scale, I take it personally.  This garbage upsets me and on top of that, invades my dreams.  Not only do I wake up terrified and covered in sweat, but also infuriated by the effect it has on me.

Enough with the masturbatory complaining, here's the dream:

Freddy is after my mom, my sister, and me.  My sister is a little kid.  I think I'm a bit younger than I am now, but not in the proper age range to match my sister.  My dad is in his workshop in the basement.  I try to tell him what is going on, but he doesn't care and blows me off.  The whole dream jumps in and out of different scenarios where Freddy is chasing us:
  • We are on a suburban street.  Freddy turns into a little slightly Asian kid (think every horror movie released in the last five years) on a tricycle.  I know it's Freddy because he is wearing the infamous striped sweater.  At first, this kid was far away, but then quickly moves up the street, like the film is skipping frames.  I panic as I see him coming.  The only weapon I have is a lit cigarette.  As he approaches, I stick it in his eye.
  • We are at home.  At this point in the dream, we cannot even THINK about Freddy because then he will appear.  I'm walking through the house and keep seeing signs that he is here - a fedora left on my parents' bed, striped sweater, etc.  I am SCREAMING at my mom and sister to stay awake, not think about him, and stay together.  They aren't helping.  I herd them into my room, lock the door, and am frantically thinking of how to escape.  I have my car keys, phone, money...ok, if we can just get to the car.  Outside my window is the roof of our back porch (not in real life).  We go out the window, climb down, and run around to the front of the house and jump in the car.  My mom drives.  I wish she would not turn the engine or lights on and just put it in neutral and roll out of the driveway.  Of course, she just starts the car instead, and as we get to the corner, Freddy comes out of the house and sees us.
  • Next, I am alone in my room, but am not allowed to leave.  I know Freddy is coming and I HAVE TO GET OUT!  My parents don't believe me or don't care.  I am talking to a childhood friend on the phone, telling her my plight.  I hatch a plan to sneak out.  The only problem is that the only window I can get out faces the back yard, where my parents are.  I've got to try.  I pack a bag and tell my friend to call back in 15mins.  If I answer the phone, that means I couldn't get out, so she should call the police.  Now, my room seems to be on the ground floor.  I push the screen out of the window and start through the frame, when my dad walks by and catches me.
  • Last, we are in a hotel running through pink carpeted hallways and echoing stairwells to escape from Freddy.  My sister keeps falling behind and wandering off.  I am screaming with all my might at her to stay with us.  A kindly older man offers to help us get out of the hotel and to safety.  The tension is unbearable.  FREDDY'S ALMOST HERE.  HE'S GOING TO FIND US.  The man directs us toward an elevator and we all run full speed to get inside.  As we turn around, we see my sister still in the hallway and deciding to instead go around the corner and back down the hall we just escaped.  We call her name and yell for her to come back as the elevator doors close.

Friday, April 16, 2010

smoking weed(s)

I am walking on my old college campus with a good friend of mine.  From afar, I see a girl who I had a massive, unhealthy crush on my freshmen year.  Fuck, we made eye contact, so now I have to say hello and act cool.  We get talking and I am surprised to find that she actually seems happy to see me.  I'm nervous, so of course I have to smoke, but as I slap around all my pockets, I realize that I forgot my cigarettes.  She assures me that I shouldn't fret because we can smoke dandelion buds (???), but we have to go to a special place on campus to do this.  The only way to get to this secret place is to cut through the theater building, so we all head in that direction.
As we enter the theater building, I stop and kiss her out of nowhere and then completely regret it because I know she doesn't like me.  I try to recover and quickly change the subject.  I ask her why we stopped hanging out after freshmen year.  She replies, "Because I didn't think you actually liked my beautiful self". Allllright.
We head towards the back door of the theater building, but there is a production going on so everything is chaotic.  Some women in charge, who looks more like a same-sex oriented gym teacher, starts screaming at us for being there.

This dream is a pointless waste of energy.