maybe you would have been something I'd be good at

We are on a cruise ship...a HUGE cruise ship.  The rooms are the size of normal hotel rooms.  I am bunked with two friends from college and a former roommate that no one likes.  Our room is on the bottom deck of the boat and you have to go through a trap door in the floor of the "rich people" deck to get there.  We are in and out of our room and exploring the ship.  Apparently we are on this cruise to celebrate our college friends' wedding.  However, there are people here from my grade, middle, and high school, as well as college, years.
I receive a phone call from a girl who I previously dated and have been thinking about and I am very excited to talk to her.  Of course, the ship is very loud and it's hard to find a place to have a conversation.  Instead of staying in my room where there were only three people, I walk around the ship and come to the main deck.  The main deck is flooded to chest level, but it's not a pool.  People are wading through it in their clothes.  I'm not surprised, so I must have already known this in the dream.  I'm desperately trying to play it cool on the phone while battling the noise, the impromptu pool, and VERY crowded ship.
At some point, I hang up the phone, sad about the outcome of the conversation, and wade past the bride's family.  They are showing home videos of her.  I stop to watch one featuring  the tragic pubescent years that we never want anyone to see.  I think to myself that we were so alike at that age.
I'm making my way back to my room through the labyrinth of the ship.  I run into a friend as I get to the rich people deck.  Several white monkeys approach us and start climbing on my friend.  She seems to know how to handle monkeys and is intending to bring them back to her room.  I also notice several squirrels running around on this deck.  As we start to go through the trap door to the poor people deck, a ship employee informs us that we can't have those monkeys.  We are sad and worried about what will come of the monkeys.  Nobody seems to care about the squirrels...

"Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at.  Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at." ~ Tegan and Sara, "Call It Off"

partial nudity, caramel girls, and rock n' roll

I am in the dorm bathroom at college, but of course, it's not actually the college I went to.  I have taken a shower, so I have a towel wrapped around me and my hair is wet.  A friend, who I've never met before in real life, comes in and is telling me to hurry up and that we have to get out there, etc.  I don't know what she's talking about.  We exit the bathroom and are now in the main university student center.  I'm still in a towel.  The place is bustling and I am ushered over to what looks like a book and DVD sale.  Nothing has prices and I'm trying to figure out if these things are free.  I pick up The Terminator and Bourne 3-disc sets, yes!  Then we move over to books, and my "friend" is pointing out books that she thinks I would like.  None of these books are real.  She points out a tome that is the history of The Legend of Zelda.  I remark that I have this book, but haven't had time to read it.

It's very noisy and chaotic in here and I just want to go back to my room and get dried and changed.  My friend (I don't know if it's the same one because all of my friends in this dream are apparently petite Latina girls that look very much alike.  I am not racist) is pulling me away from the books and movies.  As we turn the corner of the kiosk, I notice a small crowd has gathered around something behind a screen.  A closer look reveals that Tegan and Sara are performing a small concert in our student center and have been there the whole time I was looking at stupid books.  OMG!  Why didn't she tell me!  Fuck, I'm not dressed, but I don't want to miss anything so I can't leave.  Now I see that two of my real college girl friends are singing with Tegan and Sara!  I assume this is because they were in an a cappella group at school.  I hate them, but then think that I could use their "in" to meet T&S.  But, shit!, I can't meet them looking like this!
I can't tell what song they are singing, but the crowd keeps pulling in and out like ocean waves.  The crowd becomes huge and pushes me within touching distance of Tegan and Sara.  They are adorable in real life.  Then the wave pulls me backwards and the crowd dissipates to only a few listeners.  This wax and wane happens several times.  It's very irritating because it is distracting me.  My friend and I are dancing around to the music and naturally, fall into of those "are we going to kiss moments".  We do and it's nice.  She suddenly breaks away and yells, "yo, chill out!". I am very confused by this because I don't know what the problem is.  I'm also embarrassed and a little angry. I take her by the arm and explain through my teeth that it was really inappropriate for her to yell out in front of everybody like that.
At some point, I abandon my hopes of meeting Tegan and Sara and any interest in listening.  I have to pee, so I go into the bathroom.  It's crowded and hard to get a stall.  A bunch of my spicy friends are now in the bathroom, yelling, gesturing, and peeking over my stall door.  I just want to go to the bathroom.  I'm still wearing only a towel.  One girl goes into the stall next to me and starts talking about people having sex in public bathrooms.  She then sticks her head under the stall divider and puts her face in my crotch.  (I haven't peed yet).  She pulls back into her stall and continues talking.  I shake my head and sit down on the toilet.  Then I realize that not only did I just sit on a public toilet seat, I did so after just showering...

you don't mean that, say you're sorry

I am on a playground in a large park.  The playground is set in sand and surrounded by an expansive green lawn.  It's a bright, hot, sunny day.  It's not just the sun that's bright; all the colors in this place are very saturated to the point where it hurts my eyes.  There is a distant city skyline at the edge of the park.
My cousin and I are hanging out on the playground (along with other nameless/faceless people from both our parties), even though we are both adults.  We are joking around with each other and I make a slightly sharp joke at his expense.  The crowd laughs and "ooohhhh"s.  He gets angry and lashes back at me something along the lines of "well, maybe boys* would actually like you if you didn't ruin everything by being all fat and mushy in the middle"  My clothes suddenly feel very tight and my gut is hanging over the waist of my jeans.  I laugh and pretend that his feeble retort doesn't phase me.  I come back with something stating that more people would like him if he wasn't such an idiot.  He retaliates with other stinging fat comment and I in turn, replay the "I'm smarter than you" card.
I walk away with my posse in tow, head held high, but I can already feel the tears starting to well in my eyes.  He's right, I am so fat.  If I can just hold it in and get past the edge of the park, into the trees, he won't see me cry.
My eyes fly open and I gasp for air.  It's 3:45am.

*I think this dream highlights not only body issues, but also gay anxiety.

"You don't mean that, say you're sorry" ~ St. Vincent - "Now, Now"